Sixth day        

2 August 2004, 8:37 pm Berlin

hi angelique, hi liesbeth,
i don’t know what to say about drinking too much or taking stronger drugs than alcohol – but i think its not an argument, what A. said, that others take ecstasy or harder drugs then alcohol – because there is no reason for having the same enjoyments as everybody else. i mean that everybody does it, is not a reason to do it yourself — because i don’t do parachuting, either . (writing this, i realize it is actually in contradiction to the project) i believe other people can handle drugs much better then me. when some of my close friends take too much i get very sad and very distant from them. to link it to spinoza’s terms, it would maybe be a question of how can we decide/define between good or bad effects? in nature there are no good or bad effects, cause everything functions as it should. but with a human we can apply good and bad. how accurate can we experience good or bad, strengthening or debilitating effects? and how do all effects come across or negate each other? which are stronger than others? contemporary and necessary ones are stronger then past or unnecessary ones. he believes that we in our potentiality = goodness (which for him is the same) want to repress the negative and strengthen the positive (which i don’t know isright, cause i agree on our ideas that there has to be or is something (in the project and outside) which is not nice and more sick than good). he says that there is an understanding of one’s own nature. good and bad are abstract and somehow general.
today my shit was “normal” again. and i wasn’t hungry during the day.
xoxo and ahoi,


2 August 2004, 12:01 pm Amsterdam

Hi Elke
I know we drink too much wine, I (L.) don't like that we drink so much (I can miss it) it is A. who needs it, believe me, we argue a lot about it, but this is how our relationship works: I do something for her and she does something for me. Of course A. also knows that too much is not good for your health but she waves that away by saying it is the only drug she takes, besides smoking and ecstasy etc. is much worse for your health. Also, she tries to convince me that people in France also have this life style of drinking so much and that they live longer because of it. But of course she knows in our case we'd shouldn't drink because too much has a bad effect on our bones (which is my bigger worry than the effect on my brains.) I have been working as a nurse and have seen patients with Korsakoff-syndrome caused by too much alcohol, so I know what it can do to you. If I was not here to stop A. from drinking more she would even drink much more.

Yesterday everything was the same as the day before, but for lunch we had corn soup with chicken and for dinner; 110 grams of white fish baked in the oven with olive oil, with 100 grams of baked spinach with 1 anchovy slice from a can, 6 champignons, 1/4 union, garlic and 1 small potato.
We personally feel not at all hungry with this diet because our breakfast consists of very heavy thick dark slices of grain bread which makes you feel very full, so you are not at all hungry for lunch (we have to force ourselves because we could skip it very easily) and during the evening you have the feeling you eat all the time so you have no time to be hungry , but the wine helps also to give you a full feeling I think.
Good luck today and speak to you tomorrow